Hello, doc. See all those chaps standing out in the rain, desperate for a fag? – seems wrong to me.
Smoking kills, judge. Read the packet.
Yes but what about liberty?
Judge, we can’t afford that kind of liberty – cigarettes not only give you cancer, they drive you mad.
You mean cannabis cigarettes, they give you schizophrenia – I know all about that!
Yes, judge, but now it’s tobacoo as well.
You killjoy docs drive me mad.
Sorry, judge, you can’t argue with science. Smoking tobacco seems to cause schizophrenia.
Well, judge, this is rather difficult, it’s new research. Psychiatrically healthy people carry variants of the gene TCF4 that increases the risk of schizophrenia. If you carry this gene, you’re not so good at focussing on a particular stream of conversation – we call that ‘poor acoustic filtering’… Smoking appeared to amplify the effect, resulting in greater deficits.
Well, I’m having another gin, I don’t just want acoustic filtering – I want acoustic deadening – so bloody noisy in this pub! I suppose you docs will say that gin rots the brain.
Well, judge , funny you should say that ………………
Look, doc, shut up.