Record levels of happiness have been recorded in normal people around the globe eagerly awaiting the deaths of the world’s five most hated men. David Rockefella 99, is tipped as favourite to die first at 2:1, with Prince Phillip 93 and Henry Kissinger 91, joint second favourites both at 4:1 and George Bush Senior 90, along with Jacob Rothschild 78; rank outsiders.
Pablo Senna, deck chair attendant from San Paulo Brazil, laughed, ‘I have bet two weeks wages ($35) on that dirty dog David Rockefella to die before the others. My entire family and all our friends and everyone we’ve ever met all hate him so much it will bring us much happiness. We don’t usually gamble not even on the lottery but this is so much fun. I even allowed my five year old son Pablo Jnr to bet his pocket money on all five bastards going together. At 10 000: 1 it would bring us enough money to buy an enormous house for everyone we know but it would not be the money that was important of course. That is how much we hate those bastards.’
Lucca Rolano a taxi driver from Barcelona Spain said, ‘I am looking forward to the deaths of these sons of bitches so much that I am finding it hard to sleep at night. I wanted it to be Kissinger first because I hate him the most. Everybody in Spain hates him with a particularly passionate Spanish hatred. But if it is one of the others first it does not matter as long as they all die soon.’
Kathy Lego a newsagent from Doncaster rubbed her hands together and chuckled, ‘Rockefella, Kissinger, Bush, old Phillip and Jacob too. Brilliant! There are so many wonderful deaths to look forward to. I am hoping that one of those twats goes at Christmas. That would be nice for all the family.’
The views of Mr Senna and Rolano and those of Mrs Lego are thought to be widely shared by all sane people everywhere around the world and international interest for the exciting ‘Race of Certain Death,’ continues to gather pace.