A man from Blackpool was shocked yesterday when a crack MI6 counter intelligence team blew up his six year old British bulldog ‘Muffin’ claiming it had been radicalised by ISIS and was the UK’s first ever ‘terror dog.’ The event is important, not only because it shows how eager our brave security forces are in combating the ever-mounting threat of terrorism from everywhere, but notably because MI6 staff used the new compulsory GPS chip implanted inside Muffin to track him down and destroy him and now security officials are known to want to expand the existing scheme of tagging animals to include humans.
Steven Stultus heading the MI6 anti-terror team grunted, ‘We had a tip off that Muffin had been seen excepting a biscuit from a man of Islamic appearence in Blackpool’s town centre and was also spotted sniffing the backsides of several foreign dogs including chiwawas, huskies and Saint Bernards that could well have been from Iran. When Muffin was seen on Tuesday without his characteristic union jack neckerchief we had seen enough. It was time for action. Certain he had been radicalised by a red Al-Qaeda ISIS death squad we used Muffin’s GPS chip to locate him then placed six pounds of semtex under his water bowl and when he went for a drink it was ‘Blam!’ bye bye mister black-hearted, betraying bulldog. Your terrorist days are over.’
56 year-old Simon Chameez, Muffin’s owner, was shocked to see his dog vapourised in a cloud of doggy parts and equally surprised that his trusted best friend had been turned against him and the rest of society. Speaking from his council flat he mournfully accepted Muffin’s fate at the hands of MI6 and cried, ‘He always seemed like such a nice chap with his little Winston Churchill face. I only had put the chip in him last week because the government told me to. But when MI6 and their anti-terror team explained that he had been radicalised I just had to face the stark truth. It seems as though no matter how patriotic someone seems they can still be a terrorist, or maybe I shouldn’t have taken off his neckerchief and put it in the wash.’
Sir Timothy Tank Tunnel overseeing MI6’s anti-terror unit and coincidentally on the board of directors of ‘Animal Trackers’ the company selling the GPS units that were installed inside Muffin grinned, ‘The success of this latest mission shows why there is every reason to chip all other UK livestock – by which I mean people. Then the nation’s citizens can sleep sound in their beds safe in the knowledge that anyone we decide is a terror threat can be tracked down and destroyed on the spot. Sweet dreams everyone.’
GPS chip grants an edge of error of 5 meters, as a statement that it is excellent. … even have to read or watch any of this so called “conspiracy theory stuff” you ….. When you die, you will die, just like adog, or when a computer stops working.
People are living very busy lives these days, working extra hard to keep the roofs over their …. That is why we …