New figures have been released suggesting that the Olympic ban on drugs has caused a huge plunge in ratings. Viewing figures for Rio 2016 are at an all time low, not seen since 1936 when the Nazis held the games in Germany and only twenty people on earth owned a television. It is suspected that the international viewing public has become disillusioned with normal athletics (unless it involves a washed up celebrity) and is now only interested in watching people running and jumping about when they have to workout which ones are on drugs or vote them off the show.
Sports Psychologist Rory ‘The Smoking Rock’ Wrexham, a reformed performance enhancing drug abusing bridge player, agreed with this assessment and sighed, ‘Its sad but true. Remember the good old days of the Olympics when Ben Johnson’s eyes were as bloodshot as a used sanitary towel but ‘Pow!’ he was as fast as a Japanese train with British brakes. And what about Olga Korbut? Everyone knew she was as off her tits as Keith Richards on New Year’s Eve but – Holy Shit! – she could ride those parallel bars like deranged baboon on crystal meth. Brilliant! But seriously, people these days have watched too much TV and, as such, are obsessed with story-line. For years the only risky story-line that sport had was drugs. In the same way that Star Wars would be boring without Darth Vader, without the Romanian women sprinting around the track like Harley Davidson motorbikes and the Russian weightlifters chucking the weights around like gorillas discarding unwanted cotton buds, the Olympics is all a bit dull.’
The International Olympic Committee is adding five sports to the 2020 Tokyo games: baseball/softball, surfing …