PROCESSED WORDS

 

This piece of copy, spell-checked, word-counted
and painstakingly edited for optimum brevity
is a proud work by one of our most competent
word-workers. (N.B. We regard it as our duty
that an employee—well-educated and trained—
should have a sense of pride in his/her work.) Our
word-product is processed to meet the demands,
manifold and various, of the thinking reader,
who is ever-changing (not because he/she is fickle
or fashion-obsessed but because new ideas,
new criteria are perhaps the main requirement
for today’s progressive, serious, streamlined mind).
You’ll fnd our words user-friendly, eager to please,
but not—we hope—too sychophantic or too trivial.

(N.B. It is important that no one is offended;
although, now and then, a little controversy
or frisson is a useful selling-point). Indeed,
it is imperative that a piece of published copy
should not be libellous, as the processing of ideas
is already expensive enough as it is without
the additional cost of fees for defence lawyers
(whose sophistries are sold for exorbitant amounts.)
It’s a people thing. Our ideal is quantity, range
and accessibility – i.e. words for everyone
(though this not preclude the occasional
commissioning of copy for which the potential
readership is relatively low. Innovation,
ingenuity are not concepts which we find strange.)

We like to believe our word-workers are content
to perform a task they enjoy (i.e. the production
and processing of printed matter.) Receipt of payment
is an essential but secondary motivation…
and frequently as little as ten pence per word!
(Trainees work for nothing). In this unprecedented era
of mass literacy we are duty-bound to regard
word-work as a serious vocation. No formula
is enough. The true professional is quite clearly
made to tick by word-usage itself – not the rewards
(which for journalists, academics, screenwriters
novelists, copywriters, et al, are often enormous).
Finally, we hope you enjoy these processed words
and apologise that they’re too good to give away for free.

 

Niall McDevitt

 Art: Claire Palmer


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