A scandalous new report has uncovered that Royal immigration has cost the UK taxpayer in excess of £120 billion over the past seventeen years with the family of two particularly greedy regal immigrants claiming 98% of this enormous figure for themselves. Elizabeth Saxe-Coburg Gotha from Germany and her Greek husband Phillippos Schlessweig Holstein Sonderburg Glucksburg have been illegally claiming UK benefits for a whopping eighty years and, if specialists are right, threaten to take down the entire British economy if they are not stopped fleecing the system to fund their extravagant lifestyle.
Mrs Saxe-Coburg Gotha (‘Queen of the crafty claim’ to her mates) receives £2 million a week in housing benefit to pay for her cushy pad in London’s swanky West End SW1 1AA. In further flagrant abuses of social security rules she has several other top flight addresses around the country, all funded by the hardworking Englishman in the street.
Hubby Phillippos Glucksburg (‘Prick’ to his mates) sneaked into the country on a fishing boat during the 1920s, claiming to British immigration staff that he was a cake maker, hence his old adopted name ‘Battenburg.’ But as soon as he was settled he was up to his sly immigrant ways, teaming up with criminal family member Louis ‘The Fixer’ Mountbatten to plan a royal fleecing of the state. Since then Liz and Phillippos have spawned an enormous family of lazy workshy scroungers, all of which have never had a proper job in their lives and are known to cost the country millions a week.
Micheal Basilbond from the Department of Economic Injustice commented, ‘These royal immigrants will break the country if they are not stopped. For Christ’s sake, their bill for toilet paper every week is £4500! It’s insane! If I could make an analogy, the current situation is much like a man trying to run a moderately sized garden whilst trying to support an enormous plague of locusts. In the end something has to go.’