In a surprise move today SNP leader Nicola Sturgeon proposed a new fleet of unarmed wind powered nuclear submarines be built by BAE employees in Barrow-in-Furness. The shock announcement has come after shadow leader Jeremy Corbyn also stated his wishes to see the UK relinquish its existing Trident weapons systems but not inflict lay-offs amongst existing nuclear workers.
Leading pro-war supporters including: the BBC, The Daily Mail, The Sun, The Times, The Guardian, The Telegraph, ITV, Channel 4, Dave, The Living Channel, Facebook, USA, Israel, Katie Hopkins, friends of Jimmy Savile and all Waitrose customers hit the proverbial roof upon hearing Ms Sturgeon’s remarks and flew immediately off the handle, chorusing as one, “We will die in 45 minutes just as trusted English leader – and not war criminal at all – proud Tony Blair prophesied. However more reasoned individuals including everyone else on the entire planet were quick to point out, “Shut the fuck up you pathological murderous scumbags!”
Defense analysts claimed that due to the new propulsion systems the submarines would lose the all-important tactical element of surprise which has traditionally made them the weapon of choice for psychopathic governments hellbent on terrorizing less well defended countries so they can steal their natural resources. Supporters of the ‘green’ weapons systems argued that, though the submarines would be significantly slower than their predecessors, because they were unarmed in the first place there was no need for them to reach their targets and, seeing as the only countries that possessed functioning thermonuclear warheads and were stupid enough to use them were Israel and the US who are meant to be on our side anyway, – so what?
Jeremy Corbyn shed light on his policy commenting, “If we have one new ‘green’ sub on each side of a prospective target, not that I can think of one off hand, then eventually the wind will blow them there. Once arriving at the beachhead a team of young conservatives will be released from the vessels and proceed to bore the citizens of the hostile states to death by preaching their decrepit morality and monkey bollocks rhetoric. Though this means of mass genocide is, of course, far less humane than nuclear holocaust it is far cheaper, a lot more environmentally friendly and will give the Tory scum something to do, which will make them feel, at least, partly useful, once I have won the next election. Now that’s what I call a deterrent.”
Nicola Sturgeon promises alternative jobs for nuclear workers
Il y a 3 jours – Nicola Sturgeon has told nuclear defence workers that the SNP’s policy of … conference in Clydebank, just 20 miles from the nuclear submarine …