There are human beings and there’s another category of beings who look human but aren’t. The narcissists. Strange beings who are more ruthless than you may think. The naive consider such individuals to be merely capricious and annoying characters engaged night and day in admiring their own reflection. This they most certainly do but they’re also otherwise engaged; more sinisterly engaged.
Let’s open the door to this painful subject. The narcissist is both a cynic and a sadist who loves to see the tears sliding down the cheeks of his victims. Being a furious demon trapped in the body of an angel, he relishes every sign of pain. The surface angel is only his wrapper for sooner or later the beast inherent in his deeper nature will strike his victim with the violence of a hurricane.
The narcissistic beast is a wolf dressed as a lamb, and as such is ready to devour the soul of anyone to hand. It’s embedded in a putrid and gluey cocoon of inhumanity. It’s a sponge with iron teeth that tears at the meat of its victim and sucks at their lifeforce. It’s incapable of loving and it’s incapable of being happy, since being In love with its victim’s pain cannot make it happy but instead will just increase its unquenchable thirst for satisfaction at another’s expense.
Every narcissist is eerily similar to another one. It is as if a ruthless and perverse creator had made them all from the same hellish mold and had infused in them the breath of some eternal wrath!
They are devilish soldiers who fight to undermine your mind like automata – constructed and then programmed with the aim of always doing the same thing: to destroy you. Monstrous spiders who weave their webs to trap you. You are their fly and by flying you fall into their grip to be slowly devoured while you are still alive!
To shout and to cry and to despair are all useless. That’s precisely what they want: such reactions are their nourishment! Anything, anything to blot out the sun. They’d eliminate it altogether if they could. They’re happiest when a dark cloud covers the sky and unleashes a storm. This is what they delight in. This is what they love to manipulate into being with their perversely wired brains.
The narcissist is a monster with serious psychological disorders. He has an empathy bypass. His face hides the jaws of a robotic serpent. A destructive robot in search of poor victims to sacrifice for the sins of his own pain. He will not let you go, you won’t escape… nor will he ever abandon you and you don’t want him to, for his predation has become part of your identity. You are his ideal prey. He even makes you proud of this. You are so weak now. You’re imprisoned in his heart of ice with heavy chains.
He has chosen you, which was initially flattering, but now he only wants you because he knows how to make you suffer. His fear of losing you will lead him to wear a mask of false sweetness then, like a hungry tiger, he will rip this mask asunder as soon as he chooses to reveal his true purpose. And so it will go on forever, with the same disturbing pattern, with the same intentions: the same false smiles alternating with the same predatory wheedling and insinuation.
It will go on in this way forever because he enjoys it and you shouldn’t be amazed to learn that he may masturbate, imagining you crying on your knees, swollen with pain and broken like a fragile blade of new mown grass. For he has cut you down and that gives him an erotic pleasure.
You thought you were being careful, you poor creature. You hoped to receive love, but his fiction was perfect. He proved nothing more than that the strong feelings he aroused would lead only towards an absolute evil, towards vengeance, and psychological violence.
It is a stunning act; a deadly theater of eternal condemnation and you’re inside it as the victim-protagonist, together with your narcissist persecutor. It is a constant recital of infinite cruelty, ever growing in its ruthlessness.
Just as Lucifer did before he was kicked out of the Kingdom of Heaven by God himself, the narcissist suffers from delusions of omnipotence, and jealousy. Who knows, maybe the narcissist has been touched by him, the heavenly demon who came down to earth to further his revenge, to visit his revenge upon mortal creatures because God was too immense for him; too powerful?
Now he resurfaces as a germ, a parasite, a deadly virus on two legs… hungry to correct what he perceives of as an injustice done to him aeons ago. With this in mind he’s morphed into a plague, a black death which strangles the life out of those whom he affects.
In his vengeful chess game, you’re his pawn. You’re a poor, weak rabbit trapped in a sealed cage from which escape is almost impossible. All you can see, when he makes his final move, is a butcher – a wicked and perverse creature who cuts you into pieces with his knife and who bathes your hands in your own blood. Yet you, you’re still alive. You’re still alive, yes! But afterwards the vulture will leave you only with your bones. And with a curse, the terrible curse suffered by all those caught up by the narcissist, a curse that may not allow you to die.
Your body is still there, your flesh is shriveled and twisted in excruciating pain but death looks at you and, for now, it disdains coming to get you.
Death is certainly watching you, but it’s waiting as if it too is hypnotized by the cruelty of this unleashed devil who is tugging at you from every part, who is dismembering you, who is wearing you down, who hurts you brutally, but who then suddenly heals your wounds, suddenly licks the lacerations on your body like a faithful kitten, but then… then, just when you least expect it, he sinks his claws into you and he revives his permanent, and deadly, infection of your mind and body.
Thus he confuses you, weakens you continuously, renders you more and more of a succubus. Remember, poor human being, this is what he wants, what he lives for, he wants just to torture you, to play with your soul without mercy, because that is what’s inherent in his character, what’s natural to him, that’s what in fact, is a manifestation of the most authentic and pure evil.
You are now an old, worn and ragged puppet in the hands of a naughty child who is destroying you, the suicide bomber of a video game that explodes and regenerates, feeling everything … you are a hostage to this devourer of hearts, to this hunter of healthy minds, who is intent on violently uprooting your lucidity by making you his slave, his pet, his bitch, his maid, his butler, his sexual playmate while your kindness, your ability to love, infuriate him because he possesses nothing. All he has is this obscure obsession, this desire to bury your light in his darkness in order to destroy you. He’s engaged in a constant struggle, never wanting to lose his inhuman war against every manifestation of joy.
If you believe that there is not the devil, know that you’re wrong. He is lying in wait, and if you’re not already in his hands, be careful poor human being, not to meet him on your way!
Words and Illustration: Elena Caldera
English Translation: Heathcote Williams
Special thanks to Heathcote Williams, for his invaluable help and for his generosity. Great artist, great person, true angel.