Kate and Daniel grew up in the same estate, but they didn’t officially meet until one Friday night at a local recreational centre ran by Christians.
All the kids were running about the centre playing pool and darts and washing all the fun down with juice and biscuits.
Daniel was in the TV room listening to all the late Nineties music on Top of the Pops like Cher and Mambo Number 5.
He wasn’t easily persuaded from the TV at this time. It was the only reason he came. But it was also a chance to take his sister out. But, then it happened.
Kate walked into the room. He felt a presence and he looked around. He knew nothing of angels. He was only a 7 year old kid. But in that instance… he knew!
She was a quiet girl. She didn’t curse or any other obscenities, but he was the opposite and he wanted to kiss her so bad.
He started kissing pretty early in his life. He already had two years of experience because he hung out with older girls.
He decided to be hilarious and pull out a funny joke to get her attention. As the music played he whipped down his trousers and the back of his boxers doing a thing called The Bum Dance.
Everyone was in stitches and even she laughed quietly, but he knew he got her attention finally. He walked over and politely asked her if she would like to go for a walk. He put out his hand like a gentleman and she lifted hers and they went.
He got her some juice and biscuits and they went out to the very back of the centre and sat down. She had a little spaghetti juice on the side of her mouth, but he thought it was cute.
He asked her where she lived in the estate and what she liked to do when she was outta school. After they talked for a while she said to him: “my birthday is in a couple of days and I’m having a party, if you’d like to come?”… He said he would be delighted.
They walked back into the centre and she picked up her sister and he picked up his. They walked to the local shop and parted ways. He told himself and she told herself to not look back, but they did and smiled.
He knew it was only a few days away to her birthday and he would see her again. He was excited and she was thinking the same thing as she walked home.
Finally… it was her birthday and Daniel was excited. He goes to leave and his mum stops him. He tells her he is going to Kate’s birthday party. She tells him: “you can’t go without a present.” He didn’t think about that because he was so overwhelmed.
She hands him £10 and he goes to the local shop. He runs in rapidly looking around for something. He sees a huge teddy bear and asks how much it is. The shop assistant tells him it is £10 exactly. He buys it and makes his way to her party.
He ran down a back alley that went straight to her back garden where the party was being held. The party was in full swing and he jumped up on the back fence and watched what was going on. She was blowing out her candles and they were all singing happy birthday. Daniel was smiling at the celebrations.
Then… he saw another kid he didn’t know and he was handing Kate a present. He kissed her childishly but with the same intent he had. He dropped down from the fence and sat on the pavement with his back to the fence. He sat there for a while and everyone started to go inside. He jumped over the fence and placed the teddy bear beside her birthday cake without any wrapping, no card and no name. Kate came out again because she forgot her drink. She saw the gift and lifted it and looked up to the sky, because she knew who it was from.
He was so damaged by seeing her kiss another guy at her birthday party. He became quite cold towards her for the rest of their childhood. She never quite understood why he was so cold towards her.
When he walk passed her he wouldn’t speak or look at her. Even when he was with friends she knew as well. They would stop and talk with her and he would either stand there waiting or just walk on. She always asked them why he was like that. They would say: “he is just like that but just give him time to overcome whatever shit he is holding onto.”
By the time they were teenagers she had taken up with a high school sweetheart and Daniel had started hanging out with a local skate crew.
She still held him in high regard but he was going through women like midnight chocolate and experimenting with weed and practicing his skating skills. But every time he heard the song Last Christmas by Wham he would crumble.
They would see each other at a local teenage disco but she was always with her boyfriend and he would be fingering whoever he could and getting hand-jobs under little skirts. He would even hold the palm of his hand over their pussy just in case they got pregnant by accident when he ejaculated.
They were fifteen and she had just broken up with her boyfriend. Her friends were telling her to get out there again and enjoy other guys. She was so dishevelled about her break up, but her girls encouraged her to go to the disco.
She walked about the disco with loud music about love and break ups stinging her ears and heart. Then… she saw Daniel chatting with his skate crew friends and carrying on and being the life of the party like the way he was when they first met. Daniel looked around and caught her eye. He knew she had broken up with her guy. He said to his buds that he would have to go for a minute.
He walked towards her. They were both standing at the bar at a distance. He looked at her and bowed and she smiled with her hand to her mouth slightly laughing. He walked towards her and placed his hand out and said “shall we talk?” she took his hand and they went into a small booth and talked.
She told him that she still sleeps with the teddy he got her for her birthday. He asked “how did you know that was from me?” she said “no other guy I know would leave a present secretly and without it being wrapped.”
They laughed for a while catching up and he apologised for being a cunt over the years. But he told her the truth about seeing that boy kiss her and it hurt him. She said “I know I am just fresh out of a relationship but, I have wanted to kiss and be with you all this time.”
She climbed on top of him with her little skirt. They kissed passionately and he asked her while they were panting “can I?” she said “YES.” He put his fingers up her and within a few minutes she started to vibrate as she came.
They both got up and there he was… her ex-boyfriend was looking straight at them while standing with his friends at a table built on a pillar on the walkway. She got so upset she took off running and Daniel went back to his friends. But all he could think about was her and if she was OK. He got her number off a friend and rang her numerous times but she never answered. He text her at midnight and said he was sorry and if she’d like to go for a walk as friends up to their local country park he would be honoured to listen to what she needed to talk about. He signed it “love D”…
A few days later she texts back and said she would like that. He meets her at her front door and they go for a beautiful walk in their country park. She explains as they sit in between trees with the sunlight coming through. “We cannot see each other, even though I do love you, I believe I love him more.” He tells her to go for it and be happy. He leaves her back home and hugs her firmly because you can’t count on tomorrow.
They forget about each other for a few years until they were eighteen. She contacts him from the same number he used to text from hoping it was still his number. When he gets the text, he is with a friend and they drive to her new family home in the country. They pick her up and they go for a drive around the back roads and talk about things. She tells him her relationship with the other guy was so up and down and on and off since they haven’t spoke, but it is definitely over. She tells him she still has that teddy and she still sleeps with it in her bed.
When they leave her off he gets out of the car. The moon was shining down on her pyjamas and she was realistically beautiful. He doesn’t know whether to kiss her or not. He went over and said goodbye and gets back into the car. She walks back into her house and couldn’t understand why he didn’t kiss her. He was talking to his friend and couldn’t understand why he didn’t go for that. But they were 18 years old now. They were a young man and a young woman, but Daniel knew things were about to change drastically as he looked out the car door window under this new night sky.
From that god-like epiphany and revelation he was right. She moved away to England and became a famous designer and he became a famous poet throughout their twenties, but they were never far off each other’s minds.
They were back in their hometown for their thirtieth birthday party and they were out with old friends from back home. But they never bumped into each other but their friends were filling each of them into what each of them have done and achieved.
She got married and had children. He never married nor had children. She would read his books and listen to him on radio or watch him being interviewed on TV. She knew a lot of his poems and stories were based on her. She seen him on TV one time and he looked like shite, but she knew it was his lifestyle of drink and drugs and women and madness. Shortly after she turned 50 she got a phone call from a friend and it was confirmed: HE WAS DEAD. She cried quietly in her marital bedroom.
She went to the funeral and saw the respect he had from his family and friends and ladies and respected artists in the field of writers and painters and actors and filmmakers. At the end of the funeral the priest said, “This song is for Her.” Then, Last Christmas came on as they ended the service.
When she flew back home to England she was weeping with a scrunched up face and holding her tightened fists. When she got in home she said hello to her husband and her kids and her grandchildren. She told them she was going to her room for a lie down.
When she opened the door she looked at her bed intently and… there it was… the teddy bear that has been a part of her life for nearly fifty years. Her husband never knew who it was from and he never asked.
She lifted it lightly and held it tightly to her chest and she remembered him like it was a lifetime in those few seconds.
She lay down and promised him that when she walked or talked she would walk and talk in memory, as any person who loved another will always do. Even when they don’t discuss that particular person, the song is always there.
She closed her eyes seeing nothing but him and feeling the fluffiness of the teddy bear in her hands. She smiled like an angel because she knew: true love never leaves you here or where you are about to go.
And she never woke up.
Paul Butterfield Jr
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