Disappointed with Gantt charts and SWOT matrices, the Executive have hired SWAT teams to break down silos and broaden the bandwidth. They’re drinking the Kool-Aid, upping the churn rate, and speaking to our core values and beliefs in lines copped from kick-ass movies. There’s enough bang to blow us all to Jesus, all our ducks are in a row, and they love the smell of corporate bullshit in the morning. We need to understand that it’s a high-risk situation, so they’re putting out fires at the pain point, locking and loading, identifying strengths, weaknesses, opportunities, and threats, and killing it at the hard stop. The data doesn’t lie, and it’s the only way to trim the fat, the only way to herd the cats at the bleeding edge, the only way to leverage synergies and futureproof impactful solutions in the current climate. So the Executive have employed an Interim Special Adviser with a very particular set of skills, skills they have acquired over a very long career. The SMART money’s on quiet firing, with an HK MP5 and body bags in the back of the Humvee, but at the end of the day, there will be a paradigm shift at the USP. Yippee ki-yay, motherfucker,
.
Oz Hardwick
Picture Nick Victor
.