Shiny healthbots issue tissues to sniffing kids, jab fat dads with statins, and hum numb mums to slumber. All life is allotted to Big Tech, and family franchises, while limited in scope, are lucrative. Dying of a broken heart? There’s an app for that? A plaguey ache in the depth of your soul? Call our automated helpline. Need to speak to one of our elite Human Wellbeing Operatives? Why not key in 5318008, invert your phone, and giggle like a 70s schoolboy with his first pocket calculator, because no one will answer before you die. In the meantime, listen to a loop of a once popular classic hacked out on retro electro keys, because you matter; and if you don’t believe it, there’s an app for that which can be implanted subcutaneously for slow release. Just listen for the battering ram on your door. Press 1 to relinquish your personal autonomy. Our healthbots will see you now.
Oz Hardwick
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