On his way back from the bathroom Greg’s attention was caught by what sounded like someone mumbling to themselves. It was coming from downstairs. ‘I think there’s someone in the house,’ he whispered after waking his wife Lin. ‘I’m going to investigate.’ The stairs creaked as he descended but the murmuring continued without pause. He picked up a torch from the hall table and tiptoed toward the kitchen from where the noise seemed to be coming. ‘What about that oblong purple object still some distance away?’ Greg heard the voice say. He turned on the torch and shone it into the room. There was no one there. Then on the floor by the back door he spotted something he couldn’t quite make out. As he approached he realised it was a mole, lying on its side and seemingly injured. ‘The high-water mark became detached and grew increasingly philosophical,’ the creature muttered. Lin came down the hall and entered the kitchen. ‘Oh my god,’ she said. ‘How did that get in here?’ ‘Maybe the cat found it,’ Greg said. ‘Weird thing is it’s talking.’ Lin moved next to him and they both peered at the wounded creature. It trembled slightly when it spoke. ‘Alright, if you feel that way climb every mountain,’ it said. Lin sighed. ‘We’d better call the animal rescue people.’ ‘And tell them we have a talking mole?’ Greg said. ‘They’ll think we’re crazy, or practical jokers. It’s four in the morning.’ ‘I guess you’re right,’ Lin said. ‘What should we do?’ ‘Maybe we just put it outside, it’ll be better off there.’ ‘OK,’ Lin agreed. Greg fetched the dustpan and eased the injured mole into it with the brush while Lin unlocked the back door. ‘Hey, don’t despair, a coded offer just arrived in the docking area,’ the mole murmured as Greg deposited it gently on the lawn. ‘I hope it makes it,’ Lin said. ‘What do you think its chances are?’
Simon Collings
Picture Nick Victor