LIZZY DALZELL: aka DIZZY*LIZZY*DIESEL

 

 

Alan Dearling shares some of the words and images from his friend, Lizzy, who has been having a real downer, BUT she is still full of ranting life. Angry, resentful…but I feel that she speaks for many in UK. The Forgotten Many, who feel lonely and helpless. But her words and those of many like her, are a sign of the times. She needs our support. She possesses a real VOICE, simultaneously vulnerable and powerful.

Lizzy and her generation, and their children are our future…Words and Images… Food for Thought and Thoughtful-ness.

I invite you to get know the Real Lizzy.

 

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Lizzy tells us that she is:

“…trapped in the prison of poverty, and it’s gotten me feeling worthless feeling cursed wondering if things could ever get worse, desperately grab my purse but i ain’t even got a penny, the leccys about to run out and the cupboards are fucking empty, so let’s see, how to pull through feel new grasp a new angle on life… find a way out of the stress and the strife, just whatever you do don’t go reaching for the knife 💔         wrote that a while ago got many more lol … FUCKTHESYSTEM .”

“…they say the only way is up, when you reach rock bottom, but i feel like there’s no coming back for me feel like my heart is rotten… wrap me up in cotton wool cos babe i feel so broken… and the days go by hoping the phone will ring but i feel like I’ve been forgotten… all the mates i used to kick around with, baby they’re all long gone…and i sit here wondering to myself how did it all go so wrong… try to write rhymes that are positive and nice but inside my mind’s so dark, reminiscing ‘bout when i used to be a teen, carefree drinking in the park, bunking school down the power station, getting blazed up before class, blim holes covered on my shirt and tie, short skirt ripping holes on the thighs of my tights, rejecting authority, screaming at the teachers tryna control me, but look where it’s gotten me, 30 years old no qualifications or job prosperity! #stay.in.school.kids”

Lizzy says that she is:

“…sick and tired of feeling sick and tired now you can’t even sleep from the overthinking you’re so wired, memories of things you seen things you could have been just won’t let me be… life’s falling apart at the seams! so you sit looking in the mirror feeling like a sinner, no longer a winner same sad eyes just now sunken and thinner, try to force down some dinner, but nothing tastes the same, with every bite, you’re thinking of all the pain, watching your hopes and dreams spiralling down the drain you just don’t feel the same and you’re the only one to blame, it’s you who lost your way, you who fucked your brain, you who went insane, and now it’s you who has to pay! depression and anxiety bubbling up inside of me feeling like a limbless zombie stuck in quicksand, can’t bring myself to stand, and i just don’t understand, this isn’t what i had planned…”

Lizzy writes lyrics, and is sometimes dancer and a singer with the band, ‘Reality Attack’. She plans on getting a solo act together bringing to us some consciousness-raising and controversial songs and raps! Here’s another of her rap-rhymes:

“… dreaming of a life where i can be free, travelling all over the lands and the seas yes i wanna be free! wanna explore the wonders of the world, collections of treasures and diamonds and pearls, and just do what i wanna! all of the places i wanna go, all of the faces i wanna know, all of the food that i wanna try and just forget about the times that i wish i could die, wanna fill my life with positive thoughts, no more sorrow and wallowing in the dark, no more depression and anxiety just happy and free is where i wanna be! you know they say that time is meant to be a healer, but i know that after time things don’t get any easier, you know they say that time is meant to heal, but i know that after time the pain it still feels real, tryna keep your head above the water, tryna keep your feet on solid ground, all the chaos and madness surrounds us, a little piece of mind you haven’t found, but i know that we will be alright, yes i know that we will be just fine!”

Lizzy can get angry, frustrated, alienated and in danger:

 “ // stuck on the same page, heart full of rage, my brain so deranged// just wish i could change// never ending spiral, wanting to be mindful// chewed up spat out feeling like a fool!// like a broken tool dump my body in the pool// take me away, i’m feeling far from cool// too much overthinking, too much heavy drinking// uncontrollable emotional, every day i’m sinking// harder darker faster tomato my brains turned to mush feel like a disaster// tryna master this game of life// but the pain cuts deep like the blade of a knife// wanna spread my wings and fly//don’t wanna break down and cry//so i look up to the sky and i promise i’ll try// to get a little better// still tryna forget ya// you fucked me up so hard now i’m far from the centre!// living on the edge crawling out of a hedge// tip-toeing closer to the window ledge, of a skyscraper// as my thoughts they taper disconjointed bundled up in a ball full of wool// tryna stay positve, but negative energy always pulls// i’m not allowed to be happy, my days are always crappy// and by the end of the night… my demons they snap me// happy slap me coming down like a ton of bricks// dwelling on, the fucking pricks, who fucked me over// now i’m growing colder gonna run myself a bath and jump in with a toaster! //this ain’t supposed to be the way my life turned out// I’m tired of this rollercoaster// i wanna jump out! wanna scream and shout// screw up my face and pout mundane life got me feeling so down! //”

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Alan writes: To understand the ‘Real Lizzy’, this note from her about her daughter, Poppy, allows us a peek into her private world. A world where love and devotion, pride, fear, self-loathing, pain, hope and bravery intertwine:

“Before i had her i was on the road to destruction…no self-worth, anorexic tendencies and smashing every substance going then once i was preggers it was like a light switching on and then looked after meself proply n ting i feel so blessed everyday having my wonderful girl she’s my proper best m8   

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Alienated, lonely and sometimes beyond hope, in a slough of despair, Lizzy tells us, she:

“.…woke up this morning stubbed my toe, then banged my head trying to look out the window! then i nearly fell down the stairs, being clumsy is so unfair! gonna have a cup of tea, but accidently pour the water in the sugar jar! better have some breakfast, but i burnt my toast and i run out of butter! clumsy! why i gotta be so clumsy!? clumsy! why i gotta be so clumsy! now being clumsy it fucking sucks, you’ll even try and tie your lace but get your finger stuck! wizzing around on auto pilot, put something down and you just can’t find it! i lose my lighter a hundred times a day ! I’m in a constant search, it’s the price i pay! clumsy! why i gotta be so clumsy!? clumsy! why i gotta be so clumsy!

//////// take me away now, i just can’t take it no more, feel like I’m gonna break now, memory-wounds so sore, going out of my mind now, unbearable anxiety so i’ll see what i can find now, as i search deep inside of me, longing…. for everything to be ok… hoping… that all the shit will go away… waiting…. for everything to fall into place…. crying…. cos everything just stays the same!  ////// when you’re lying in your bed at night, you can’t get to sleep, your pillow is soaking up the tears that you weep, when all the things you said and done are plaguing your mind, all those bad memories that you want to leave behind, when you feel like all the doors are closing in your face, the buffet of life has left a bitter taste, when you feel the walls are closing in and can no longer breath, bearing the wound of wearing your heart on your sleeve!

/////// sitting here in a void, who are you, who am i? can’t remember how i got here, don’t know why i can’t see clear! hide me hide me i don’t belong, I’m a freak I’m a weirdo I’m so fucking wrong! i’m a mystical force and i feel no remorse, just expand to dimensions of a different sort, intergalactic spastic, my thoughts are twisted and backwards, turn something minor into something drastic, think something’s shit when it’s fucking fantastic! spiralling down, memory lane, trying to learn from the biggest mistakes, one step forward two steps back, retracing your steps, covering the cracks…. It’s the devil inside, there’s nowhere to hide, he’ll take you for a ride, make you green-eyed and snatch your pride, don’t let him rule your mind, it’s time to choose your side, warp the twisted destruction, reconfigure the function, when you reach the junction, don’t know which way to turn, run away from the fire! ….don’t let your soul burn! thoughts of ifs and buts and what they penetrate your brain, leave you feeling oh so tense you hear the distant rain, tapping on your tin roof, tapping on your window, howling wind like a symphony but why do you feel so hollow.”

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Alan says: “As I have got to know Lizzy better, I’ve asked her more questions about her life, and how she has arrived at her current situation with all its challenges. Her life is frequently an over-powering, emotional and heart-rending, roller-coaster ride….  Here are some fragments of what Lizzy told me:”

“My parents raised me as a hare krishna and I was given the name Lalita by a guru…. i got heavily into LSD at 15 and after 6 months got sectioned…. thinking my life was like the Truman show with hidden cameras everywhere (watching my every move), but luckily I slowly came back to reality!…. funny thing is: my initials are LSD lizzy sarah dalzell

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Lizzy told Alan: “I wrote this next one after the Westminster attack and bearing in mind the twin towers!”

“a nation under attack, or a nation getting attacked by its own government? a secret slaughter of people, innocent, and insignificant, they’re tryna keep us all on edge, tryna keep us all in a state of fear, they want us all to nod along and agree, till what they want is near! terror-threat level severe? Don’t make me laugh, your plan’s a fucking farce you can’t whitewash me i refuse to adhere, don’t believe the hype don’t buy into the fear! deployment of piggies packing heat on the street and with a nation on its knees it screams yes please! too many convenient coincidences leave you unable not to question, you wouldn’t believe what can be done with the power of suggestion, they’re tryna strip us bare, strip us bear of aLL our freedom, all the while the sheeple nod along and agree with them!

take a look inside your mind, come and see what you will find, take a look inside your mind, come and see what you will find… battling demons don’t feel like a free man trapped in the system, wanna run away to fairy land, cos they tryna push us down, now we gotta stand our ground ppl unite in every city every town no we won’t bow down to your crown, time for the elite to fucking drown, gonna flip their table upside down, they pump the lies they pump the fear, eyes of the wise are filled with tears they been tryna crush us down for years don’t let the bullshit fill your ears, fucked up fucked up society is fucked up, but their time is nearly up, they runnin out of luck, more and more ppl don’t give a fuck! take a look inside your mind, don’t bow down to the lies, yes the tears fill our eyes, they tryna segregate us break social ties ! ppl walkin round the street with their heads lookin down at their feet, no eye contact or smiles anymore, muzzles on tight looking down at the floor! take a look inside ur mind, don’t let them brainwash you with lies, it’s time for ppl to rise stand tall stand proud stand together and shine!”

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“MaSsiVe ThanK YoU to everyone for giving me so much love and support in my dark times what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger and when life gives you lemons make lemonade, so I’m sat here feeling hench as fuck, drinking some banging lemonade  

“thanks for the positiviteeez!!!  BIG LOVES XXXXX 

Lizzy 

  

Here’s one of Lizzy’s doodlidges:


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