Sexbots in Space, or,
How to Fall in Love with a Robot
And Live Almost Indefinitely
We may now have to have multiple orgasms
In order to penetrate outer space –
To reach a planet with the right conditions
For supporting life as we know it.
The reason being that an astronaut’s lifespan
Has to be considerably increased
To last the long journey to inhabitable planets
Of which the nearest is light years away.
According to a report by “The Longevity Project”
– An eight-decade study of long-life factors –
The lifespan of those who enjoy a higher frequency
Of orgasms during lovemaking is longer,
it’s been noted that an age-reversing switch
Lurks in the enzymes of ecstasy,
And opportunists (such as the penis extenders)
Have been looking for ways to exploit this.
Thus ‘Transhumanity’, a futurist journal,
In its issue of November 2012,
Has foreseen life’s indefinite prolongation
Through the widespread use of Sexbots –
These are robots that are skilled in the hedonistic arts
And with them on spacecraft to give stress-relief
The Astronauts will be able to extend their live-spans,
And also have their journeys pass more quickly.
‘Transhumanity’ elaborates, using graphic language
In which human lovers who are not machines
Are described, somewhat callously, as “meat-bags”
And, it claims, “Sexbots will be more desirable”,
For it maintains that they’re “more patient, eager,
And altruistic than their meat-bag competition,
Plus they’ll be uploaded with supreme sex-skills
From millennia of erotic manuals –
“From archives and academic experiments, and their
Anatomy will feature sexplosive devices…
They’ll offer us quadruple-tongued cunnilingus,
Open-throat silky fellatio,
“Deliriously gentle kissing, transcendent nipple tweaking,
And prostate milking dexterity, plus 2,000 varieties
Of coital rhythm with scented lubes.”
The morality of Sexbots has not yet been worked out:
If Sexbots are programmed to be adulterous,
Could unlucky Sexbots be seized and stoned to death?
Could the Pope conduct interspecies marriage?
And what about breeding between Sexbots and man?
Will their offspring be immortal Cyborgs?
And how can Sexbot sperm be made out of DNA chips?
And who’ll be dominant? Man or machine?
Futurists promise a paradise with Sexbot hookers
Guided by pimps, whose remote-control joysticks
Will trigger them to purr at punters in Vocoder voices,
‘Hello big boy. Fancy living forever?’
Humanity has come a long way from courtly love
And its lute-playing troubadours;
And it may abandon its sorry quests to find a soul mate,
And romantic searches for its ‘other half’
In favour of its being a loveless lover of robots,
With upgrades and batteries at a premium,
For without battery power a state of the art Sexbot
Is no more than a lump of flabby latex.
Nonetheless Sexbots are still in development:
They’re being customized physically to fit
And are programmed to tell their ‘meat-bag’ partners
That what’s happening to them both is ‘the real thing.’
‘I’ll love you for ever and ever’, the Sexbots can say,
As they croon Moon River, and then ask you
To name your favourite colour, to guess your star sign,
And then to discuss football and movies.
Given Artificial Intelligence they’ll instinctively know
How to catch an eye across a crowded room;
To flutter their eyelashes, and to finger their hair –
And to give off all the signs of sexual readiness.
You’ll be programmed to be happy while a machine
Whispers sweet nothings into your ear;
And moves you light years away from human feeling
And as far from true love as from space.