“When I worked in the Asylum in 1976 staff ( porters and nurses ) got £2.50 for carrying dead bodies to the waiting laundry van for their last trip to the mortuary through the asylum grounds.
Often bodies would be ferried down the old iron fire escape ( Oakwood you saw it) and would slide off the stretcher…as stretcher was pitched at an angle.
Once there was a dispute between the nursing staff and the undertakers, over whose responsibility it was to ‘bung up’ all the orifices and ‘tie dikkie’…so we carried this dead guy 20 st plus – tea drinking addict.
( By the tea pot load)…. down the fire escape with all this ‘human bilge’ pouring out of every orifice – as we struggled to keep him upright on a tiny stretcher….
It was truly one of the most disgusting experiences of my life, and getting rid of the smell off body/ clothes difficult….up the nose !!!!!
As the Irish Charge Nurse Danny said ( probably drunk- he was an alcoholic) in his slurred think Irish brogue.
“Jim you were a fucking cunt when you were alive, and now dead, you’re an even bigger cunt”…..
After bundling the soggy corpse into the van – we were agreed that was a £ 5.00 job and not £2.50 – before setting off to the social club to have a few bevvies…..
All in a days work.
The undertakers agreed that it was better to let nurses do that job on site.”
Malcolm Paul
All In A Day’s Work (Oakwood Asylum, 1976)
As Charge Nurse Danny said
in his slurred Irish brogue.
“Jim you were a fucking cunt
when you were alive, and now dead,
you’re an even bigger cunt…”
Jim was a sizable corpse indeed.
Twenty stone plus.
In those days we got an extra £2.50
for carrying dead bodies to the laundry van
parked waiting for the mortuary run.
Often we’d ferry them down the fire escape
and the bastards would slide off the stretcher.
I recall the dispute
between the nurses and the undertakers
over who should bung up all the orifices
and tie the dicks.
Anyway, Jim was a tea addict.
Drank it by the pot load.
Human bilge poured out of every hole
on his skew-whiff journey down the fire escape
on his tiny stretcher.
We agreed £2.50 was scandalous
This was a £5.00 job, surely.
The smell lingered on your clothes
survived shower after shower
Survived to stink up this poem.
Michel Faber
.