|Anglican God: Unlikely to cause WW3
Waddingtons, the famous games manufacturer, have been slammed by international spiritual leaders for releasing Top Trumps, a new ‘Religion’ card game.
Copies of the new games were removed from shelves when it appeared that the world religions had been classified in order of attributes including: age; numbers of believers; number of deaths through war; number of women oppressed; most vindictive God; most ludicrous ideology and most likely to cause World War 3, the idea of the game being to beat your opponents by possessing the best hand or, in this case, the best religions.
Mahapajapati Gottamami McDonald, a leading Buddhist from Australia, howled, “This game is offensive to everyone. Even to those who don’t play cards. Everyone knows that all Buddhists have transcended worldly competitive behaviour but saying that we only have 350 million disciples is ridiculous. It’s much more like 500 million.”
Cardinal De Monford Fressure, head of the International Catholic Consortium gasped, “As if we didn’t have enough to argue about already. In all honesty I can see this unholy card game giving us an excellent reason for bringing down the whole of humanity.”
Les Gripley, a Christian vicar from Kent laughed, “Can’t see what all the fuss is about. I love Top Trumps. I used to like having a Lamborghini. Brum brum!” But others were furious. Akim Akim Rakim, a devout Muslim cleric from Pakistan slammed the game as, ‘offensive’ siting that Islam had been rated as most likely to cause WWIII when ‘obviously’ it was Judaism.
Steven Gindisburg, world chief Rabbi, blasted the game as ‘anti Semitic.’ When asked for what reason he considered the game offensive to the Semitic peoples, he accused us of being anti Semitic, along with anyone who played the game or bought any other Waddingtons products or read this article or any other article concerning this story, or any other story or any other article.
Rex Ruther, head of New Initiatives at Waddingtons, who dreamt up the new cards, spoke to us shortly after being sacked by his employers due to growing international pressure over the new game and said, “I honestly thought everyone would think it was a laugh. What an idiot! I feel like that bloke from Life of Brian but instead all I said was – this card game is good enough for Jehovah. Ridiculous. I’d like to think that, if there was a God, He’d have a sense of humour, but after listening to this lot I’ve started to doubt it, along with His existence.’