Stepping out of the shower this morning I noticed that my hair was a bright shade of green. It wasn’t just the hair on my head, but all of my body hair. There was no way I could go to work like this as we had a strict dress code in the office. I’d have to call in sick and meanwhile see if I could get hold of a wig. I watched a YouTube video about buying your first wig and searched for local suppliers. To my relief there was one just a few streets away. It was warm out but I pulled on a woolly hat and set off for the wig shop. Many people on the street, I noticed, were wearing hats, and I thought I detected a lock of green hair here and there, even a couple of green beards. A few men with shaved heads seemed to have a greenish tinge to their scalps. When I reached the street where the wig supplier was located I saw a large queue had formed outside the shop. I joined the end of the line and asked the woman in front of me what was happening. ‘I think they’re about to run out of wigs,’ she said. ‘The government’s telling us not to panic.’ Further ahead in the queue was a man in a Homberg with a green Alsatian. I decided to call my manager. ‘You’d better come in,’ she said. ‘Mine’s also green.’ My hair was starting to itch so I pulled my hat off and had a good scratch. The Alsatian too, I noticed, was scratching itself vigorously.
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Simon Collings
Picture Nick Victor
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