how to speak proper commons english


have you noticed

and this is true

how all politicians

say aye

where we say uh?

probably not

so here’s how they do

they say:

we have aye democracy

aye monarchy

aye church of England

aye free market

aye meritocracy

we say:

we have uh paltry parliament

uh royal carve-up

uh load of barmy bishops

uh spiv’s economy 

uh class system

and how you speak matters


in The Commons

at Buck House

at Westminster Abbey

in the City

at Eton too

and everywhere

the ayes have it




Jeff Cloves
Illustration Rupert Loydell
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