I AM THIS (AND ALSO THAT)

I am charming. Do you think I am
charming? I am not ugly. Do you think
I am ugly? I am afraid of water if it’s
deep water and if I have been invited
to compete in a swimming competition,
and also at all other times. Do you think
I should embrace water, or stick to
my guns? I am keen, although I do not
always appear so. Do you think I am
keen? No, I do not mean ‘keen’ as
in ‘sharp’, I mean ‘keen’ as in ‘eager’.
I am alert, except when I am sleeping
or not paying attention. Do you think
that to pay attention is one’s duty? Or
can one do it just on a voluntary basis?
I am thoughtful. Do you think I am
thoughtful, or its unattractive opposite,
self-centred? The polls seem to be
inclining to the latter, apparently. I am
sharp, as in smart and quick-witted.
Do you think I am sharp? No, I do not
mean ‘sharp’ as in ‘sharp as a knife’,
I mean ‘sharp’ as in smart and quick-
witted. I am patient. Do you think
I am patient? Well, do you? Do you?

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Martin Stannard
Picture Rupert Loydell

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