Lord Jacob Rothschild has demanded the government pass new laws legally compelling all UK citizens to refer to him as ‘Massa.’ The ageing trillionaire, who personally controls 80% of the world’s economy, is thought to have made the demand after the successful launch of the countrywide scheme to rename Mondays ‘National Slave Day’ as workers have to give 20% of their wages back in taxes which merely pays off interest on loans made by central bankers controlled by the Rothschilds meaning one day of the working week is done absolutely for free.
Daniel Deferance, a Dustman debt slave from Didcot said, ‘I’s happy to work for nuthin’. Just as long as Massa Rothschild got’s some fella wipin’ his skinny ol’ arse with a fresh billion pound note still warm from da photocopier everymornin’ then I’s one happy slave. Yus’ sir. I’s happy. I’s happy.’
Members of the naturally superior Rothschild family are rumoured to have urged the government to pass additional laws including every working man in the UK changing his name to ‘Kunta Kinte.’ PM David Cameron, not wishing to appear at the whim of the Rothschilds or to have his ‘Fatuse’ removed, whimpered, ‘Of course sir. Three bags full sir. I mean Massa … I will get someone on minimum wages to fill your three bags full Massa, straight after he changes his name to Mr Kinte.’
Speaking from his diamond greenhouse Lord Rothschild laughed, ‘I feel the UK plantation’s workforce should realise once and for all their true position in society. After all, was slavery really wrong? Especially if the slaves were happy. Indeed, was it not the system under which we saw the greatest expansion of the nation’s wealth? That same period of abundance can be enjoyed again (by my family and myself) when the population follows our simple rules. Remember the TV show ‘Roots’ was responsible for launching several careers. In some infinitesimally small way this could be you. Now chop chop there’s free work to be done.’