Money in the bank and other football metaphors

A few days after Nigel Farage got his account closed down by Couttes, I imagine England’s women football team in the queue, the whole squad carrying on like they did in the press conference when they won the Euros, their sheer diversity a shoo in for the bank. They simmer down, start to chat about The World Cup: the USA, how not to underestimate Haiti, the sheer physicality of the Australians, the bloody Germans, and of course, Brazil and the firms on home turf. They deposit their small fortunes one-by-one. All those fresh endorsements. Nigel looks through the glass, his face grimaced up in silent rage. On screen, a commentator rejoices: the Lionesses have opened their account.



Mark Connors




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