If you told me that I literally had to eat poop every single day
and I would look younger, I might. I just might.
– Kim Kardashian
I’m pretty certain I would. No, I know I would
eat poop at least once a day—if you told me
all guns would decompose into rock salt
and burr. All the plastic in the ocean would turn
into krill, kelp, coral song, tufted rain. I would gladly
eat my poop. And yours. And yours.
If you told me Putin would become a baby
tarantula under a rock on the sleepy soil of Siberia
to be eaten by a larger tarantula. I would.
You would. We would eat Putin’s poop right now
with a side of polonium bacon. If you told me there
would never be war of any kind, not with missile,
bomb, bullet, kiss. I would eat Kim Kardashian’s
literal poop. If you told me the planet grows younger,
ever younger. O Lord, I’d eat your waste, too.
Montage: Rupert Loydell