On Being Struck by a Conjunction Traveling at the Speed of Ignorance

      If you told me that I literally had to eat poop every single day
      and I would look younger, I might.  I just might.
           – Kim Kardashian

I’m pretty certain I would. No, I know I would
            eat poop at least once a day—if you told me
                       all guns would decompose into rock salt

and burr. All the plastic in the ocean would turn
            into krill, kelp, coral song, tufted rain.  I would gladly
                       eat my poop. And yours. And yours.

If you told me Putin would become a baby
            tarantula under a rock on the sleepy soil of Siberia
to be eaten by a larger tarantula. I would.

You would. We would eat Putin’s poop right now 
            with a side of polonium bacon. If you told me there
                       would never be war of any kind, not with missile,

bomb, bullet, kiss. I would eat Kim Kardashian’s
            literal poop. If you told me the planet grows younger,
                       ever younger. O Lord, I’d eat your waste, too.



John Bradley
Montage: Rupert Loydell




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