We will negotiate a rainbow backstop,
Our own trade deals, a customs unicorn,
We will above all else protect the Union,
Keep the unicorn in hoc to the lion
For Thou Shalt Not Have a Second Referendum
Is carved in Scone: applies both sides
Of the rainbow border; no worries about
A hard or soft border on the island of Ireland,
Nor hard- or -soft-boiled rainbows, those
Are rumours of unicorns -but not the kind
Of unicorns that we intend to chase and catch
In the coming weeks and months,
Which is another unicorn entirely,
The unicorn of Conservative conception,
The unicorn of conspicuous consumption
Amidst mass shop depletion, empty shelves,
The unicorn of phantom speculation,
The unicorn of coupon rationing,
The Eurosceptic unicorn, the unicorn
Of obscure opportunity cropped to purpose
Of microscopic prosperity for the top
1% per cent -Let us be clear: opportunity
To trip back in time down the primrose path
To halcyon Shropshire Lad days of hazy
Summers and cricket whites and rainbows
Beaming in glorious Technicolour
Richard Of York Gave Battle In Vain
Because he was doomed to lose to Tudor,
So much for caparison my horse, it bolted
At the pitched brutal moment -so much for
Bosworth; O with Henry the Eighth
Powers she’ll make England grate again,
Gaunt Greensleeves -now it’s caparison my
Unicorn come cantering into Camelot,
No place for the Woke or Snowflakes,
Only snow lions, white witches, ice queens,
This sceptred isle, this demi-monde, no props
Apropos we’ll trip back to a mythical past,
A fantasy island, a theme park for solipsists,
Misanthropes and xenophobes, pomp
And diminished circumstances, lucky dips,
Riddling idylls, Morris Dancers waving
White handkerchiefs and little strips
Of paper -cryptic receipts, or scrolled
Price tags strung on inscrutable antiques;
A tinpot utopia, raffle-ticket Uchronia
Where, according to folklore, once were unicorns,
Only, contrary to accounts, none had actual horns…
Alan Morrison
Illustration Rupert Loydell
www.alanmorrison.co.uk
www.therecusant.org.uk