Bird Guano’s
SAUSAGE LIFE
The column whose restraint knows no bounds
READER: Have you had your covid booster jab yet?
MYSELF: Of course, I’m a national treasure.
READER: Any side effects?
MYSELF: Intolerance, anger, superstition, deja vu, lost luggage, an irrational desire to do the Hokey Cokey
READER: You got off lightly
MYSELF: I know.
ART NEWS:
FLIM FLAMS HIT TOWN
Local artists are positively bristling at the rumours that the FlimFlams are sniffing around Upper Dicker with a view to adding to their vast art collection. The influential collecters are largely responsible for the rise of artists like Bandy Sponk and Tracy Eminem. Installation artist Sponk who won the Ribbentrop Prize for 2003’s Panting Dog Hairdryer told me: “One commission from the FlimFlams can turn an artist’s career around in a split second. Take Creepé Suzettes the controversial French watercolourist who paints only cheese; no one would have heard of her had she not looked after Cribbins, the couple’s St Bernard, whilst they were meditating at an ashram in Hartlepool.” Irene FlimFlam, who oversees the the couple’s ruthless business empire, was seen recently at Upper Dicker’s Pink Triangle Gallery buying up anything which featured cats, including Jazz Up a Drainpipe by sculptor, explorer and exotic jam maker Hasselblad Van der Voome. Enigmatic husband Derek meanwhile was last seen abseiling down the building and peering into the window of Porno Haiku artist Emphysema Ratatouille‘s 4th floor studio where she is rumoured to be working on a follow up to her controversial 2017 work Cheer Up You Wanker, It’s Only a Fucking Shoe
|
Colin Gibson • Emmet Ives • Anita Makris
SAY GOODBYE TO IRONING MISERY!
When added to your weekly wash, new formula Botoxydol, with Botulinim Toxin A, will guarantee youthful, wrinkle-free clothes.
Take years off your smalls with Botoxydol!
CAUTIONMAY CAUSE SMILEY FACE T-SHIRTS TO LOOK INSINCERE
SPONSORED ADVERTISEMENT
“Sometimes you just need a tool that doesn’t do anything”
By Colin Gibson
SAUSAGE 159 SAUSAGE 160 SAUSAGE 161 SAUSAGE 162 SAUSAGE 163
SAUSAGE 164 SAUSAGE 165 SAUSAGE 166 SAUSAGE 167 SAUSAGE 168
SAUSAGE 169 SAUSAGE 170 SAUSAGE 171 SAUSAGE 172 SAUSAGE 173
SAUSAGE 174 SAUSAGE 175 SAUSAGE 176 SAUSAGE 177 SAUSAGE 178
SAUSAGE 179 SAUSAGE 180 SAUSAGE 181 SAUSAGE 182 SAUSAGE 183
SAUSAGE 184 SAUSAGE 185 SAUSAGE 186 SAUSAGE 187 SAUSAGE 188
SAUSAGE 189 SAUSAGE 190 SAUSAGE 191 SAUSAGE 192 SAUSAGE 193
SAUSAGE 194 SAUSAGE 195 SAUSAGE 196 SAUSAGE 197 SAUSAGE 198
SAUSAGE 199 SAUSAGE 200 SAUSAGE 201 SAUSAGE 202 SAUSAGE 203
SAUSAGE 204 SAUSAGE 205 SAUSAGE 206 SAUSAGE 207 SAUSAGE 208
SAUSAGE 209 SAUSAGE 210 SAUSAGE 211 SAUSAGE 212 SAUSAGE 213
SAUSAGE 214SAUSAGE 215SAUSAGE 216SAUSAGE 217SAUSAGE 218
SAUSAGE 219SAUSAGE 220SAUSAGE 221SAUSAGE 222SAUSAGE 223
SAUSAGE 224SAUSAGE 225SAUSAGE 226SAUSAGE 227SAUSAGE 228
SAUSAGE 229SAUSAGE 230SAUSAGE 231SAUSAGE 232SAUSAGE 233
SAUSAGE 234SAUSAGE 235SAUSAGE 236SAUSAGE 237 SAUSAGE 238
SAUSAGE 239SAUSAGE 240SAUSAGE 241SAUSAGE 242SAUSAGE 243
SAUSAGE 244SAUSAGE 245 SAUSAGE 246
I laughed. I cried. I shat my bloomers.
Comment by andrew mulherin on 23 October, 2022 at 12:12 pm