A human being should be able to change a diaper, plan an invasion,
butcher a hog, conn a ship, design a building, write a sonnet, balance
accounts, build a wall, set a bone, comfort the dying, take orders, give
orders, cooperate, act alone, solve equations, analyse a new problem,
pitch manure, program a computer, cook a tasty meal, fight efficiently,
die gallantly. Specialization is for insects.
– Robert A. Heinlein, Time Enough for Love
Should be able to change a lightbulb,
file a tax return, re-fold an ordnance survey map,
mimic a hummingbird, hotwire a muscle car,
write a sestina, sing karaoke, dance
a passable pasodoble, strum a guitar,
know the words to an evergreen classic,
take a dump, give a shit, study the racing forms,
tip a doorman, crack a safe, forge a signature,
do the wrong thing for the right reason,
provide an alibi, remember birthdays,
use a slide-rule, understand trigonometry,
befriend a computer, stage a revolution.
Should be able to change costume,
quote Shakespeare, toss off a one-liner,
know the best restaurants, appreciate the harpsichord,
write a haiku, improvise quickly, have an exit plan,
juggle priorities, behave decorously,
take advice, give an opinion, dress for the occasion,
read the room, maintain a degree of ironic distance,
have an account with a reputable tailor,
conceal a weapon without spoiling the cut,
know someone who knows someone, exude
confidence, practice till perfect, hit the marks,
impersonate a statesman, bring harmony to the universe.
Should be able to change a tyre, tune an engine,
find the fault on a circuit board, see the beauty
in a wiring diagram, calculate a winning chess move,
write a pantoum, type at a hundred and twenty
words per minute, hack systems,
follow clues, arrive at conclusions,
take cash, give change, calculate variables,
double down, go for broke, run the risks,
exit via the tradesman’s entrance, navigate
the back streets, arrange transport,
travel light, travel fast, make sense
of contract law, trust in the idiosyncrasy of cats.
Should be able to change the status quo,
communicate, inspire, stand tall, live vividly,
write a villanelle, tie a bowline
or a trucker’s hitch, give directions, throw out
some conversational Spanish, budget thriftily,
take a freebie, give a handout, pay
it forward, resist the impulse to look back,
play the numbers, bet on a winner,
keep an enemy close, sweep a room
for listening devices, outfox a private detective,
act with purpose, love fiercely,
challenge social conventions, found a new religion.
Neil Fulwood has published three collections with Shoestring Press, ‘No Avoiding It’, ‘Can’t Take Me Anywhere’ and ‘Service Cancelled’. A collection of political satires, ‘Mad Parade’ was published earlier this year by Smokestack Books. Neil lives and works in Nottingham.