After Irish Water successfully forced a tax on the Irish people for their previously free water, another new tax has been invented for the republic’s citizens, this time for walking on the cracks in the pavement. The ‘Craic’ tax, as it has ironically become know, will be levied on all citizens who’s feet straddle a pavement crack who will subsequently be charged five euros.
Stavros Builderberg, un-elected EU bureaucrat, IMF central banker and practicing Satanist, explained the thinking behind the new tax, “As soon as the Irish caved in to the IMF’s dodgy debt demands (15 billion euros) every slimy, immoral, dirty, cut throat banker across Europe, and let’s face it that’s all of us, knew we could get away with forcing these peasants to pay for any old piece of shit. In that moment IMF executives realised the pavement could be used in this new and innovative way and the ‘Crack’ tax was born.”
Other new tax incentives in the pipeline for the hapless Irish peasantry, deemed essential for repaying the IMF’s funny money loan, include a tax on grass, air, lepricorns and sunshine. Though the latter is not thought to be capable of generating much revenue due to the country’s famously inclement weather, which in turn compelled IMF officials to consider new taxes on clouds, fog, mist and general murk.
Mr Builderberg respectfully turned down the offer of visiting Ireland himself to justify the new ‘Craic’ tax to angry debt slaves in Dublin saying, “Er… no… I… er… have an important meeting that night implementing a new tax on Botswana people who will now have to pay a year’s wages to go for a shit on special IMF toilets after which they can wipe their arses on Federal Reserve toilet paper, or money as we used to call it.