Cockney Extinction Rebel

Would you Adam and Eve it?1

All this ache and pain2
in the apple pie;3
all this Cynthia Paine2
and Duke of Spain!2

It’s Turin shroud,4
after Turin shroud,4
Auntie Ella,5
Red ‘n’ Yella5

Then too much currant bun,6
and it’s peas in the pot,7
peas in the pot,7
Alan Knott!7

Then Cheryl Crow8 won’t go
and blimey, it’s taters;9
David Starkey,9 Parky!9
And Vincent Price10
it just ain’t nice.

Then it’s Mork and Mindy,11
even in your weasel and stoat.12

You gotta get your weasel,12
your nanny goat,12  your billy goat,12 your centre half, 13
and your Barnet Fair14
is everywhere.

It ain’t Adam Faith15 no more.

It’s Alan Ladd,16
sorry and sad.

We’re off our bacon!17
Out of our bacon rinds!17

And ain’t that the babe?18

We gotta turn the horse and cart,19
the strawberry tart; 19
turn down the Blue Peter,20
drop the Dog’s Eye,21
for the Uncle Reg.22
Go Peter Egan23
or its Richard Burtons!24


1 Believe
2 Rain
3 Sky
4 Cloud
5 Umbrella
6 Sun
7 Hot
8 Snow
9 Cold
10 Ice
11 Windy
12 Coat
13 Scarf
14 Hair
15 Safe
16 Sad
17 Out of our minds
18 Truth
19 Heart
20 Heater
21 Meat pie
22 Veg
23 Vegan
24 Curtains (the End)


Heidi Stephenson




This poem in no way supports the wearing of any animal’s fur or skin, and in no way regards any pig as “bacon” (plus most East Enders would not have worn dead weasels, stoats or goats, but it shows how steeped the English language is in animal abuse.) It does, however, remember the incredible impact of the 1995 film Babe, (also the Cockney “truth”) which woke up millions of young minds to the cruelties of animal killing and flesh-eating, resulting in a collapse of global ‘pork’ sales, and a rise in vegetarianism.



By Heidi Stephenson

This entry was posted on in homepage and tagged . Bookmark the permalink.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.