Paranoia saves Lives


Stopped by the police twice in the last 48 hours. Usually I am adept at spotting them from far enough away to cross a road or turn a corner before we come head to head; a game I played long before I accepted that I was a criminal and became prepared to act like one. Look as guilty as possible to try and get them to stop you. But troublemaking teens over, now it is the heightened state of despair in which I currently exist that lets them see me coming. That and the fact that E3 is currently a paranoia pit, populated almost exclusively by undercover agents from every country around the world. Don’t smile at the roadsweeper fool!

Pig 1

13.34, 17.07.2012

This was all my fault. I was getting on the train, when I saw a cunstable with a sniffer dog. I turned around and walked in the other direction. Instinctive, but rookie. He came after me.
“Excuse me. Madam. Hallo there.”
Keep walking.
“Madam. I said Hallo.”
“Why did you turn around when you saw me?”
“I must say… ha ha ha … it looked highly suspicious. Even several members of the general public suggest I come up and talk to you.”
“Several members of the general – ” *bites tongue.
“They said ‘she looks highly suspicious’. So, why did you walk away when you saw me, eh?”
“I live in a perpetual state of paranoia.”
“Excuse me?”
(Holding out a £20 note) “I was going to the shop to get some water.”
“Right. So you don’t have anything on you?”
“Anything you shouldn’t have.”
I stare at the pig as he looks me up and down, then smiles.
“You know what –  pretty girl like you – I wouldn’t want to ruin your day.”



Pig 2

16.40, 18.07.2012

 Me walking home crying. There is a gang of roughly 15 officers, outside the chicken shop, loitering with intent. One sees me.
“Excuse me, ma’am – are you okay?”
(Hysterical) “I don’t want to talk to the piiiiigs!”
(Backing off) “Ok then, ok then.”
I  cheer up instantly, at the fact that I got away with calling a pig a pig, and stifle a smile as I walk the last block home.




All characters appearing in this work are fictitious but any resemblance to real persons, living or dead, is hardly coincidental.

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One Response to Paranoia saves Lives

    1. got a live one here officer!

      Comment by lily m on 15 September, 2012 at 4:23 pm

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