An Educational Tea Party

My neighbour asked me round to tea, Saturday.

I’m fond of hors d’oeuvres and a spot of Earl Grey-

Cucumber sandwiches, crusts neatly trimmed,

Pastries and fancies, china cups, gilded rims.

I don’t know the Parkers – they’ve not lived here long,

but how nice of the hubby to ask me along.

A tea party’s a great way to get to know folk,

Find out what you like and share one or two jokes.

It would be very rude if I gave it a miss,

so I went, to be met with a hug and a kiss

on the cheek from the hostess, who gestured me in

to their lounge, where I waited for Tea to begin.

What a beautiful room, but I saw not one chair:

Not a sofa or armchair or footstool was there,

Just a large coffee table by the Inglenook space,

where the guests were all leaving their keys in one place.

How clever, I thought, what a splendid idea

I’m sure not to lose mine, if I place them on here.

Now, my keys have a lanyard that’s easy to see

as it’s in rainbow colours, very bright, obviously.

So, I plonked down my bunch on that dominant table

then looked for some food – keep my blood sugars stable.

I was feeling quite peckish and ready for tea,

when this stunning, young blonde came up, holding my key.

Are these yours? She asked. I replied that they were.

Would you like to come with me? I’m just over there.

Oh yes please, I replied, with anticipation

of butties, but instead came a shock revelation:

She thought that my rainbow showed her my persuasion

And it took me a while to reach full realisation.

So, the next time I’m asked out to afternoon tea

I will put in my aids so I’ll hear properly.

‘Coz I got bites and nibbles, but no cup of tea!

It was truly a wild education for me.

The closest to food I got was some ambitious crumpet.

Well,  I thought to myself, it was like it or lump it.

The things that she showed me were really quite arty.
That incredible day I went to a key party.

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Boakesey Closs

Boakesey is a former teacher, who lives on the Isle of Man and is the current (IXth) Manx Bard. She has been published locally and in the Places of Poetry anthology, Poetry for Mental Health and is in the Lancaster Litfest Poetry Mosaic. She is a stroke survivor and is physically challenged but it does not stop her from writing.

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