Countdown (to Eternity)


Universal Countdown Benefit (UCB). 

The UK government are trialling a new app.  called Countdown.  Download now!

It will enable the creation of many new vital employment opportunities.

Those who upload the app. will dial up or punch in a future date marking the end of any personal contribution or activity they make to keep the economy functioning. 

On completion of this ‘economic’ contribution, a guaranteed regular payment for leisure time will be given, otherwise known as the ‘Retirement Sum (RS*)’ for the future.                                                                                                                                                                    

Those willing to dial in a specific shorter fixed period of time will get an enhanced retirement sum otherwise known as the Universal Countdown Benefit.  Installed on a ‘fixed time’ basis, subject to the terms and conditions below, it will enable everyone to whom it is given, or enrols, to keep a track of any remaining time left.

Universal Countdown Benefit (UCB) terms and conditions

·         Monitoring all activity, including exercise, location, personal proximity and food consumption,
          agreeing, on request, to participate in UCB pharmacological trials

·         Agreeing, on request to move to a protected facility, a care home or secure premises

·         A signed living will or advance decision to refuse treatment (ADRT) with application

·         Doctors will decide, if you are unwell, to implement Do Not Resuscitate (DNR)  

·         Self-funding medical care enabling effective functioning of the National Health Service (NHS)

·         Supplying your own Personal Protective Equipment (PPE).  Protect the NHS

·         Funerals and burials.  A fixed sum will be given, depending on the Countdown time entered

·         Agreeing to a trip to Dignitas in Switzerland if no other arrangements are made by the last   
          day of the Countdown app.

New and improved extra government benefits will be given to those who do not meet with doctors, nurses, caregivers, friends and relations and are willing to isolate forever.

Final Sanction 

Those who do not adhere to the Universal Countdown Benefit terms and conditions will be suddenly and quietly removed to a designated location.   There, immolation or the required physical and thus social distance of six feet under will be guaranteed.

*RS acronyms: Retirement Sum, Rolling Stone, Revealing Satire, Restless Soul, Robust Surveillance

PS   The Universal Countdown Benefit is colloquially known as the Eternity app., thus Countdown to Eternity

PPS    Scientific Advisory Group for Emergencies (SAGE) advice coming soon; Test Track, Trace, Isolate, Destroy



©Christopher 2020 [email protected]  

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2 Responses to Countdown (to Eternity)

    1. Excellent. Bang on the money.

      Comment by Jan on 25 May, 2020 at 9:12 am
    2. Signs of the times. Thank you

      Comment by Antoinette Scott on 16 June, 2020 at 11:14 am

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