Grant’s Last

Grant was undoubtedly an agent of the Infinity Socialist International.
“No blame”, it says in Y King.
(“Hung jury…”
The Hyenas say.
“…We’ll get him yet!”)

What else can we accuse him of?
He was certainly more loved than he loved himself.
(No blame)

He was a strong mathematician, MA from Cambridge, who wrote the “C” code and the Graphic User Interface which demonstrated that imagination was a finite resource in the context of human Evolution.

He understood that learning is not to the steady acquisition of information: nor is forgetting simply the loss of information.

He understood that the acquisition of knowledge is a dynamical process and that we learn by a process of consecutive gains and losses of information. The seashore our wisdom is shaped by the continuous impact of packets containing wildly differing concentrations of information; those small differences make a big difference to pattern of the shore.

He understood that Skinner’s canonical S shaped learning curve innocently questioned the relationship of energy and information. (Infomation  should, acording to Botzmann, and, independently, Shannon transfer at its highest rate when ignorance is at its greatest.

Grant understood that knowing requires infrastructure and that infrastructure costs. He was glorious and fearless in the pursuit of wisdom.

Just before he was recently dead, he sent me an email.
I tidied it up for publication in IT. After I heard of his death I decided to print the unedited text as he sent to me.

Mike Lesser


Grant’s Last Dispatch.

Breeding a self-aware species:


It’s clear from introspection and observation that I am not without encouragement swung from the trees nor slurped from the swamp.

My teeth fit my head just but don’t accord to a natural healthy diet born of the Earth’s nature.
I have no hair like a fish and yet gills neither do I find. But I can swim although not be a Dolphin.
My brain – if it is indeed mine and things are as they seem – asks questions which do not have answers and for no good reason were I just my ancestor’s offbare.
No one I have asked or read nor Googled can explain to me not just where but how I came from.
Dawkins and other lord-able pundits obsess on a self contradictory theory of origin which does little other than confuse the masses and puts spacecraft into space, and, erm a “man in the moon”.
And surely we all know who wrote or at least edited the Bible – and ‘spoiler here’ it was not God.
We live these lives in confusion and near servitude, apparently because of some original sin of which I, personally, have no recollection.
All the time the “masters” or “lords” whoever they maybe seem to go by unnoticed even by the throngs in Hong Kong’s Tiananmen Square Occupy Movement.
We are told to earn money and to learn what we are told as if we are not our own sovereign masters. That said, the contemplation of taking one’s own fate in one’s own hands truly is enough to make even the most brave heart chicken shiver.
As this continues, a plethora of mostly inbred and competing zionists wait patiently for the planet to walk as a zombie to its own death – giving them the real “final solution” and rendering the 1% into the all. All Heil the Almighty Kazars.
And yet mutter these words – at your peril (thinking of Kennedy, Martin Luther King, Ghandi and John Lennon to name a few) – and even your “bestest of mates” will deem you a pariah and ostracize if not kill you if only they could.
The irony of course is that by their stance they seal their own fate. What could be more perverse or bizarre?
I cannot say for sure whether a royal bloodline is reptilian having seen them up close on numerous occasions – or if the Rothschild’s or Medici’s Venutian brethren are indeed spawn of Satan if such a thing exists.
However, I sure as heck would like to know “what is actually going on?”.
I (if such a phantasm exists as I have been told) do not, by the way, believe that “nobody knows” or that I must join a secret society, take a forbidden potion or swear a pact on my first born and start killing to discover my God given rights.
My rights are from my source, not from some external power yielding guns who claim exultation from God by Divine Providence.
I, a free man and being of God, should be free to walk this God Given Earth without seeking the permission of gun toting sociopaths claiming to be acting in public rather than self interest.
I do not consent. I do not concede. And neither shall I falter.
I paid forty three years of my life which – according to the construct of time and materiality I was enforced into against my will living under the fear of their terrorism masquerading as government “mind control” (for the Latin aficionados) is a significant period of my puny endowment – to awaken from the tortuous suffering I believe we all endure. And as NEO says “where we go from here I leave to you”…
People are encouraged to eat, drink, breath and bath themselves in toxins by an elite few who could scarcely feign to claim humanity and couldn’t spell good if you gave them the first four letters for free (while charging for lunch).
Ignorance or (“freedom of”) choice are given as paltry excuses for the disdain of human life which runs rife on this miraculous planet.
The Question, “what did I do to get the privilege of enduring this suffering” remains unanswered to this day. Perhaps the perpetrators are not piping up while they wait for us all to die by them or by ourselves coached and goaded by them. I respectfully refuse.
I stand in disbelief at the wanton destruction at home and abroad conducted by the few against the many: destroy the Amazon, pollute the few remaining water supplies, destroy the Great Barrier Reef and pour toxins in our drinking water as if we won’t notice, carcenogenetically modify foodstuffs, stuffed into metered boxes flowing toxic blood. And keep shooting each other, particularly the poor – oh wait – loan them some fictitious money so they can buy your guns and kill each other and thence forth belong to you.
I seek within myself to engender the change I wish to see in the world – but what I hear from within is that I must sing aloud so that we all must wake up and save the planet and ourselves.
There are powerful evil forces at work – and you don’t have to believe me – just open your eyes and look at what you see around you. Question everything and reason and the truth surely will set you free, if only from the lie.
To the 1% – or he whose name shall not be spoke – I see you I know your name. I will not stand and be counted. I am beyond your imperial metrication. I don’t care if the Draconioans didn’t like the Plaedians and want to fight it out – if you must do it at all – do it somewhere else and leave those of us who by nature if not by your programming are peaceful loving human beings alone.
We are happy to be one with the universe but the end of the age has come and you must now all reveal yourselves.
A growing mass has seen your hand at work, we have all felt it our entire lives, we are many, and you are too few. If your power is to Nuke or Tank us all down then go ahead. Better to live on your feet than die on your knees. Deception had gotten you a long way but in THIS end, you have lost.
Another year of corrupt politicians providing pretense of choice to enable the killing to continue while the world self terminates – leaving you in the bunker for genesis. We the human race see you and ask you politely to leave.
Intelligent people know that steel framed skyscrapers don’t fall from office fires at free fall speed against the path of most resistance. Intelligent people know that jet fuel doesn’t burn that hot without US military grade Thermite explosives. Intelligent people are learning that they have been defined into lives based on money as time and debt apparently hoarded by the few fortunate in Forbes’ List but actually owned entirely by unearthly bloodlines many of us have met or worked for some.
Sure perhaps, there is an argument for necessary evil. And God is not dual by nature as any Buddhist would tell you if they believed in God. Nonetheless, ignorance is undeniably the source of suffering and this, therefore, the path therefrom.
Stop the War. Drop the Guns and come out with your tentacles or whatever they are up. We surrender on your behalf for you. And wish you into love light and healing. The time for revelation is now. Reveal yourselves.
Stop lying in your and our or God’s name. The truth is spreading and having already escaped cannot be put back into the bottle even if it was invented or discovered by Steven Hawkins.

And since this is the post, post-lude never forget Monsanto and the Dying Bees.  We now fly bees from Australia on Fossil Fuel Powered Jumbo Jet aircraft to pollinate American foodstuffs (or the US would literally starve) because somewhere between Corporate Sociopathy and Monsanto Satanism for Profit (false Prophet) monoculture has dessicated these essential contributors to the whole world life cycle.

A recent CNN ad brings me some hope when it says “Earth has been evolving for some number of Billions of Years — and does not need Humans — rather Humans need the Earth.  It is prepared to evolve.   Are we?”  This always is in the back of my mind when some digit girl rants on about her “biological clock” being sacrosanct when the planet does not really need more people in case you hadn’t noticed.  It needs us to reign in and re-think.  We need to live in balance and harmony with the ecosystem that symbioses us into existence with some creative intelligence formed within the fabric of time-space illusion.  Parents with children are not the saviors of the Earth as adorable and lovable as they may be.  Exponential multiplication of humans, resource and economic consumption is a clear and simple death sentence.   And yet who, my friends, is genuinely looking for real alternatives — that don’t involve a Platonic Elite governing by decree — or depend on an as yet invisible savior who seems to have by large extend brought only death and destruction upon our selves.

The biggest shock to me in life has been the liberties which are mine but had been stolen away by force.  Force of government, police, society, business, and even those whom I ought to have loved the most.   I feel so alone.  But some how know that I am not the only one feeling this way.  We must pull together — for as the adage goes divided we fall and united we stand.

I have tried banking and finance — and technology in the hearts of the world centers in these areas, London, New York, Connecticut and to some extent San Francisco and Palo Alto.  I always felt like the last kid on the block — excluded by breeding or prejudice or fate or misfortune (don’t get me wrong, by most accounts I have enjoyed an incredibly successful life  way more than I imagined when I stumbled out of the womb with nothing much to show for myself.

I am left with the feeling that the “game” is rigged for those who already have it — while those who start, as I did with little, must battle for years against dis-empowerment and impoverishment while putting up a facade of being as good as “the others who are so utterly successful apparently due to innate ability, skill, breeding, fortune, good luck, secret lineages they were born to.

We meet these people all  the time, I have dined with Royalty, worked with CEOs of Global Fortune 100 Companies, dated heiresses to name-brands such as Gucci and mingled with Dunhill’s (of Cigarette Fame).  Many of the famous people I dreamed of as a child I have met or been in close contact with in person.  Sometimes more star-struck than others.  Often wondering how, for example, does Matt Damon get paid millions of dollars and get an Oscar for apparently (I know it seems insane) parodying aspects of some of my own own most peculiar life (I can share these at another point).

How is it, that I feel impoverished for living the live another is payed to portray?  This confounds me entirely – and I do not know by what hook or crook it has come to be so.

Now, I am surely grateful for my most magnificent life — an a life full of wonder an excitement it has surely been.  But little so far has availed itself in terms of “security” or “support”.  I have been ostensibly homeless since a partially self inflicted ejection from a rapidly dissolved family (such that it was) home at the age of 15 or 16.  The horrors I went through growing up — by way of my lot in life and how it was dished led me to much strife and pain and I made so many mistakes — so many I dare not wonder whether I may ever recover from them and find a safe and loving home to call my own where I truly feel supported.  Each day has been a fight for survival and I have had to do things that I am not proud of and which stand against everything I every hoped to be just to stay alive in this world.  I know that I am not the only one.  And wonder how this can be so.

Now I am by chance, good choice, destiny or calling, on a hard earned break in South America (just below the North American’s who were so ghastly to me — albeit not without my own culpability — that it nearly broke me for ten years of my adult life.  September 11th destroyed my prospects and career, just as it started, only to later find that the US had made it near impossible for me to return to the country despite my life long dream to do so.  I spent something like 5 years there — I thought I had friends — and yes, while I made mistakes, none can explain the complete disdain those people have shown me both at a personal level and at a systematic level.

Can you believe that the US immigration Authority, hold me for hours each time I try to enter even after expensive extra visa requirements purely because I did what Lehman Brothers’ (you remember the pinnacle of honesty and good dealing that I was lead to belief as a naive freshman from Cambridge was the “right thing to join”) attorneys told me to do — fly to Canada so they could hire me there while I waited for my UK work permit to be granted (as an Australian and ostensibly a “Convict” by decree, I had to beg to stay in the Mother Country whose language I speak and whose Monarch I pledged allegiance to since I was a child — not to mention that my then country men Australians fought and died for both English and Americans in every war since the first great war).

Well some “technicality” meant that even though I had legally left America and been actually work permitted and stamped in Canada — apparently that did not count as an “exit” from the obscure and undecipherable US immigration policy.  What this meant — is that after suffering September 11th, being effectively raped and abused by two unholy US employers (who by any moral standard would be considered criminals — if only I had the wits about me to apply lawyers to them at that stage as is the American norm — absent any form of honesty or gentlemanly agreement — was left with everything taken from me, suffered September 11th, the most unpleasant and nasty relationship I can imagine as being possible (I have accepted my culpability ten years later, but she never said so much as good by on the telephone), I now find that I am held up at US borders for “routine” inspections sometimes lasting hours, and can’t easily travel to the United States of my dreams without some convoluted and very expensive set of legal filings to get special B1 paperwork to permit me entry.

Never mind the question of whether my ultimate dream of earning a right to live there is off the card (this nearly killed me for ten years).  I seem powerless to do anything to change the situation (which started in 2004) and has left me roaming the Earth literally unable to follow my heart and my dream born at the age of 12 watching Bryant Gumble and Jane Pauly on the NBC Today show at 4AM in the morning in Australia.  I know it is pathetic — and I have let it go — but it has some how managed to torment me so much.

I waited ten whole years — largely on my own — for an apology or even just a reconciliation conversation and meeting with the woman that I loved so much in the USA.  But after only recently establishing what can only be described as inexplicably hostile and brief communications (after so long and so much work) — I have had to let go completely of the dream I have held of her as my perfect love and woman.  Did I make mistakes?  You bet you — I did almost every bad thing under the sun.  But I really did love her deep down and only wish I had been able to realize that without hurting her so much.  Doesn’t time heal all wounds?  It seems not.

Alas, at 43, I am single and alone — estranged and cut out of the path I once felt so empowered to walk.  It may have been an illusion — and perhaps its for the best.  But God it’s been one incredibly difficult path to follow.  I barely survived.  I spent many days thinking whether I wanted to kill myself or somebody else.  Such deep deep pain.  All the work I did psychologically, in courses, reading, meditating, exercising, self medicating, nutrients, affirmations, neurolinguistic programming, Buddhism, prayer, friends you name it.  Nothing seemed to life the deep pain of agony that I felt deep in my heart and gut.  I tried what I could to introspect and learn from my mistakes, to make amends and seek a new leaf of at least friendship with the woman I loved — somehow locked in a Country I had been seemly unjustly exiled from.

I walked as a zombie for years — barely able to keep my head up enough to persuade people to hire me for money so that I could get by and gradually dig myself out of the hole so deep I had fallen into.  Love seemed no where.  Friends I could could on one or two fingers.  Motivation was purely self driven for my motivating dreams had been not just shattered but removed force-ably from reach through both my own errors and the behaviors of people who I had truly thought would be life long friends — many of whom to this day do not even respond to my emails a decade after whatever craziness I went through.

This led me to search for the truth — whatever it may be — perhaps because I was in so much pain that I had to find something to reclaim my sanity such that it is.  I have hidden and pretended for most of my life — but no more.  If you don’t like what I am — or how I got here — then go in peace — and do me the courtesy of saying so to save me time and you bother.  I have a heavy burden to lift on my own shoulders and need to be with people who understand that can help me and that I can help in some way.

The sadness and loneliness in my heart barely needs mention here.  I believe I tried to love the world and be a better person.  I became indulgent and egocentric at times — but who, honestly, hasn’t.  But what I have realized now — in reference to the famous words of the late Robin Williams “It’s Not Your Fault.  It’s Not Your Fault.  It’s Not Your Fault.”  How could I have dealt with all those things when I was so young — and what I built there — I built on top of until ultimately the whole edifice came crumbling down.  I’ve had plenty of short shrift and shuns from people in my life over the last ten years when I needed them least.  To those who care I say, I love you.  To those who do not.  I love you too — and hope you find your own path to forgiveness.

This can begin in Peace.

Anonymous (C 2014)
(Musings from the Amazon Rainforest)
This work does not belong to Facebook or it’s cronies. They have no right’s and I do not grant them any.


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