Ethics
I was asked by my boss to ‘gather intelligence’ on another boss (his colleague and rival). Perhaps he asked me because he could sense I was bored with my usual projects, such as setting up a new telephone system, and I was unsure of myself in technical matters, anyway; gathering intelligence would be much more up my street – I knew that I came across as sincere and well-meaning, and my boss knew that, too. I was about to give him a complicit nod when a female colleague from China gave me a stern glance. It was only then that I realised how unethical my boss’s request was, and instead of nodding I shook my head and frowned. My boss shrugged, raised his palms, and rolled his eyes to the heavens, as if to say he had done everything he could for me and would do no more.
Snog
At the Christmas party, everyone got drunk. I ended up in a back room – surrounded by everyone’s coats piled high on a single bed – snogging with the boss’s wife. We had just taken a break to catch our breath when the boss walked in. But he only said hi and went rummaging through the coats in search of something. His wife blushed guiltily, but then she often did this anyway.
Legal
Having been fired once again, Boris Johnson found a new job as a lawyer. I went to see him to sort out my tax affairs. He was just as jovial as ever. I remember putting my hand on his belly – warm and soft, like that of a pregnant woman – which he never minded me doing.
Ian Seed
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