Sire.
This letter is not a diatribe against the Monarchy, in fact
it considers that amongst all the many systems of governance a constitutional monarchy is the best, since it
guards the role of head of state from maniacle power freaks such as Blair or Johnson, who would undoubtably throw thair hats in the ring for that plum job.
However the role of King requires rather more than
conferring knighthoods on the odd vulgar rock ‘star’, or
making an occasional walkabout wearing a well taylored and valeted suit, chatting affably to the chaps to show that underneath all the pomp you are quite a decent and likeable bloke.
It is not enough!
Polanesian Kings were traditionally the poorest in the kingdom owing to their habit of giving away most of their wealth to their needy subjects. Visiting diplomats from other islands would leave expensive gifts on leaving, which the King would immediately give away to the poor. This was considered to be most Kingly.
You patiently waited a long time for the crown and now is your chance to make your mark in history by being the man who led the way in transforming our ideas of real
compassion.
For instance, how can you sleep at night knowing that a
large number of your impoverished subjects spend their winter nights lying in shop doorways wrapped in damp sleeping bags, while you lie ensconced in the safe and warm Royal bed?
It might be respectfully suggested that you cease to hoard
the wealth which naturally accumilates around the crown
for yourself and family in such a miserly fashion, and allow some of it to bring relief to the ‘lower orders’ by, for instance:
Turning one of your stately homes into a National Food Bank with a distributing network covering the whole of your kingdom and financed by some of the Royal millions.
Thus at a stroke transforming the lives of those who often have to make the difficult choice between food and warmth.
The words to our national anthem
‘God save our Gracious King’, might have a little more resonance were you to make such a gracious move, while your subjects could even be moved to having a little pride in their Noble King.
Yours Faithfully.
Dave Tomlin
.