Corbyn Offers Blair ‘Front line’ Job As Syrian Human Shield


blair-9Jeremy Corbyn has agreed to give Tony Blair his desired ‘front line’ position in the Labour Party and offered his services as a human shield in the current Syrian conflict. Mr Corbyn suggested, “It will finally give Mr Blair the opportunity to properly fulfill his role as UN middle East Peace envoy by physically stopping the bullets, bombs, missiles, drones or other weapons from hitting their respective targets himself.”

Blair’s new role is known to be ‘extremely’ popular with the millions of Corbyn supporters around the UK and also billions of other normal people around the world routinely ignored by the media. Myria Hindsight, a lifetime Labour party member laughed, “He is perfect for the job. It is an excellent bit of ‘headhunting’ – if you’ll excuse the expression. It will be good to get him out and about and let’s face it the only office he is fit for has bars on the floor.”

The US super group, formerly known as ISIS, were also said to be ‘delighted’ at the opportunity to use Mr Blair as a human shield and added, “We await the devil Blair with open arms. As he is such a fanatic of Jihad and famous war criminal himself he will be happy to join us.”

Mr Blair, current holder of the record for the world’s most haunted looking man, was less enthusiastic about his new job and released a press statement fuddling, “Yes. Well. You see. No. Let me be clear. As usual when I had said one thing I meant another. This time when I said ‘front line’ job within New, New Labour, as it will be known now I’m back in town, I imagined something approximately two thousand miles further back. Perhaps all the way back in London behind a cosy, expensive desk where my tried-and-tested murderous, duplicitous, statesmanship could be relied upon to steer this once great party, that was between the years 1997 and 2007, to power once more, whereupon I could unleash death and destruction on this country, the planet, and indeed further a burning field to that, while, of course, all the time anxiously counting my blood-soaked millions and looking over my shoulder.”

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Ethan Harrison is the republisher of and has his own blog


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