As the ambulance and squad car pulled up
Outside Lux Massage
Bingo was squeezing his ample frame
Out through the stockroom window –
If only he had cut down on the chocolate
As he had resolved
Back at the beginning of the year
This terrible year
            Algernon had thought for a long time
            Clarissa would look better
            And actually quite good
            In a face mask
Don’t touch me! screamed Sally
In the general direction of Henry the Husband
As she attempted for the umpteenth time
The solo oboe part
In Mozart’s Oboe Concerto in C Major,
The bit Mike the Milkman used to whistle
Before he was run over by his own float
            Be careful!
            You’re over-watering me!
            Bemoaned the houseplant
            Whose name I can never remember –
            It might be Zantedeschia Aethiopica
            You can see my problem
            The plantation is going to pot
            You can’t get the staff
            Maybe it would be better to move
            Into one of the service industries
            Pet grooming
            I could do pet grooming
            But no fish
            I won’t do fish
The horse looked at Henry
Henry looked at the horse
There was an understanding
            Seven elephants were at the pool
            Hanging out
            They tell the time by the position of the Sun
            Soon a bunch of tourists will be along
            The process of process
            But it will end, said Elephant #4, eventually



Martin Stannard
Montage: Rupert Loydell



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