The Diary of Boris Blimp

Dutch Wogan
Published on 20 Jul 2019
First, Electric Light Orchestra brought you “The Diary of Horace Wimp”. Now we’re delighted and horrified to bring you “The Diary of Boris Blimp”.


Late again today
He’d be in trouble though he’d say he was sorry
Paint an apology on a bus
Boris was so tired
From promiscuity and hustings on telly
A wine-stained Machiavelli
That was him, Bojo!

Don’t be afraid
Just knock on the door
Well, he just stood there bumbling and fumbling
Then a voice from above
Said, “Boris Blimp, this is your wife
Pack up your bags, get out my life!
Be a No Deal Brexiter
And you will be Prime Minister!”

Boris left his wife
And shacked up with a girl who was much younger
Then at the fishmonger
He bought a kipper as a prop
Made a brand new bus
Converted from an unused water cannon
Rode it to Steve Bannon
And they discussed Judeo-Christian values

Don’t be afraid
Be casually racist
Well, he just stood there bumbling and fumbling
Then a voice that was pissed
Said, “Boris Blimp, this is Farage!
I’m getting drunk in the garage
Let us merge so we can purge
Those who to Brexit are a scourge!”

Boris, this is it
He asks the party members if he can lead them
And be the PM
They say yes
On his way to Number 10
He gets a phone call from the Oval Office
A voice says, “Hey Boris
This is Trump, well done!”

Don’t be afraid
Just sit on the throne
Well, he just stood there bumbling and fumbling
And then the voice on the phone
Said, “From one blimp to another
Can I just say you’re my brother
Take my larger-than-average-sized hand
And let’s make lots of evil plans”

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