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| White House wage slash: new cabinet paid in candy and cookies |
During an incredible turn of events yesterday [31/10/2017] US President Donald Trump was forced to appoint an entirely new cabinet after his old one was arrested. The head of the FBI stated that the list of crimes committed by Trump’s old cabinet was too long to list and that a new legal supercomputer would have to be built by NASA to work on the upcoming cases.
According to one White House insider, ‘Members of the law enforcement agencies burst in and dragged the old cabinet from the Oval Room. I was scared but President Trump was already thinking on his feet, or more accurately his swivel chair, and announced that he was confident God would provide a great solution. Then at that very moment -Heaven’s above- the doorbell rang.’
New members of Trump’s cabinet now include – from right to left: The Wicked Witch of the North – Wendy (6) Overseeing Defense Department. Bat Boy – Joey (4) Managing National Security Agency. Princess Leia – Alice (6) Foreign Aid Director. Rainbow Unicorn Girl – Susie (5) Education. Girl in the frilly dress – no name (8) Treasury Department and looking after candy and cookies.
President Trump said he was confident all his new appointments would do ‘great’ and that fellow Republicans would be pleased with the pay deal he had negotiated slashing existing White House wages as new appointees will be paid in candy and cookies. The President also wanted to draw attention to the fact that his latest cabinet was ‘nearly 80% female’ and were equally diverse, with half the characters coming from Universal Film studios and the other from Paramount apart from, of course, Rainbow Unicorn Girl and the girl in the frilly dress which were ‘not from any movie’ he had ever seen.
White House officials commented that ‘given the present circumstances they were pleased with the outcome,’ although they have, once again, warned the President to avoid any potentially embarrassing IQ test competitions with his new members of staff.
Ethan Harrison