I entered Argos
Determined to boost
The economy
Of Air-Strip 1
By buying a mod-con
To upgrade my life
In dispiriting times
I was overwhelmed
By the choice of product
On offer
All had great reviews
And superlative blurbs
Yet some were £20 quid
And others £220 with no
Adequate explanation
For the price differential…
I wilted before the choice
Feeling crushed by a sense
Of my own unfitness as consumer
My unpatriotic feelings of dispair
Just when the economy
Needs thrusting spenders
To spend a penny or two
On the wonderful menu
Won for me and you
By the triumph of The West
Over the reds under the bed
The commie-pinko-lefties
That would have left us all berefties
Of a hundred blenders to choose from
Of freedom itself, of liberty, of endless stuff
To fill the gaping void of never enough…
I wilted before my civic duty to consume
And retreated to Wetherspoons
To measure out another afternoon
With cheap pints of Victory Ale
As time went ‘hickory dickory doc’
The moment for action went stale
And the historically redundant mouse
Ran down the clock
As Oceania rued the waves…